Thursday, July 14, 2005

The GOP's Rove Talking Points

Hint: Smear Joe Wilson.

Monday, July 11, 2005

K.R. Goes to Prison

(Apologies to Stephen King):


RED
There they are, boys. The Human
Charm Bracelet.

HEYWOOD
Never seen such a sorry-lookin'
heap of maggot shit in my life.

JIGGER
Comin' from you, Heywood, you being
so pretty and all...

FLOYD
Takin' bets today, Red?

***





HEYWOOD
I say that chubby fat-ass (a/k/a K.R.)...let's
see...fifth from the front. Put me
down for a quarter deck.

RED
That's five cigarettes on Fat-Ass.
Any takers?

More hands go up.

***

HEYWOOD (O.S.)
Fat-Ass...oh, Faaaat-Ass. Talk to
me, boy. I know you're in there. I
can hear you breathin'. Now don't
you listen to these nitwits, hear?



Fat-Ass (a/k/a K.R.) is crying, trying not to hyperventilate.

HEYWOOD (O.S.)
This ain't such a bad place. I'll
introduce you around, make you feel
right at home. I know some big ol'
bull queers who'd love to make your
acquaintance...especially that big
white mushy butt of yours...

And that's it. Fat-Ass lets out a LOUD WAIL of despair:

FAT-ASS
OH GOD! I DON'T BELONG HERE! I
WANNA GO HOME!



HEYWOOD
AND IT'S FAT-ASS BY A NOSE.'



The place goes nuts. Fat-Ass throws himself screaming against
the bars. The entire block starts CHANTING:

VOICES
Fresh fish...fresh fish...fresh
fish...fresh fish...

FAT-ASS
I WANNA GO HOME! I WANT MY MOTHER.'

VOICE (O.S.)
I had your mother! She wasn't that
great!

The lights bump on. GUARDS pour in, led by Hadley himself.

HADLEY
What the Christ is this happy shit?

VOICE (O.S.)
He took the Lord's name in vain!
I'm tellin' the warden!

HADLEY
(to the unseen wit)
You'll be tellin' him with my baton
up your ass!

Hadley arrives at Fat-Ass' cell, bellowing through the bars:

HADLEY
What's your malfunction you fat
fuckin' barrel of monkey-spunk?

FAT-ASS
PLEASE! THIS AIN'T RIGHT! I AIN'T
SUPPOSED TO BE HERE! NOT ME!

HADLEY
I ain't gonna count to three! Not
even to one! Now shut the fuck up
'fore I sing you a lullabye!

Fat-Ass keeps blubbering and wailing. Total freak-out. Hadley
draws his baton, gestures to his men. Open it.

***

Hillary Likens Bush to Alfred E. Neuman



What, me worry?

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?